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I don’t know if it’s because it’s summer or because everyone has IELTS coming up, but in the last couple of weeks there have been waaaaay more essays than I can look at.
Please help out and comment on each other. I can’t do them all. You don’t have to rewrite their essay or even know the exact mistake - you just have to say a few words.
I didn’t understand the last part of your second paragraph.
You need a better topic sentence.
You need to write shorter sentences.
Your ideas are really great, but you need more examples in Paragraph Three
Your conclusion was off-topic.
This is not a full sentence: “While you were writing”
Check your punctuation.
I think your essay is well-organized, but…
Your conclusion is too long.
I think simpler words would improve your essay. For example, what does “efficacious” mean?