Thanks to this essay. I guess your writing is very good. I could find many native phrases that Id glad to learn from them.
Your introduction is also very good and reflects easily the question, just a minor slip such as " they seemS" that should change to seem.
In the first body paragraph you very nice mentioned the mail reason, back up with supportive sentences.
In the second body paragraph
In addition, I think the dissemination of indifferent personality is a more essential reason for this. In modern time, people do not care what happens to their neighbors. Mostly, they live a sedentary lifestyle, staying by themselves, rather than go out to communicate. The soul to the sense of community is loving relationship with people, and this cannot be established without communication.
I think in this paragraph you gathered some seperated sentences , to some extent left them without support. What do you mean by " dissemination of indifferent personality"? As far as I know the word "dissemination" used for information not to people.
I guess you would say that "changing the characteristics of people during these years is a main reason for less contact among people". And do not use the pronoun at the begining of the paragraph. It to some how confuses the reader. Again Im trying to rewrite this paragraph with the main idea, setting in the first paragraph to develop gradually.
In addition, I think that the change of people's lifestyle during these years would be the other reason. In the modern world people tend to have a very solitary lifestyle, staying at home rather than go out to communicate. This is quite opposite to a community's soul based on loving relationship. In fact, to develop such relationship people should keep contact with each other.
I wonder why you did'nt join the third body paragrap to conclusion, as you already mentioned the reasons and now you should turn to present some solutions. You could put them in conlcusion, considering the fact the word cont is 301 you even could omit it, without any remarable losing the meaning.
In order to make this happen, more infrastructure should be built near the block, such as the garden and gym where people could go for relaxation; thereby, create an opportunity to know each other. Government should fund such constructions, because they are no longer for individuals alone, but also for the harmony of the whole society.
Article & punction:
the clock==> blocks
;==>,thereby creating an opportunity to know each other.
Government should fund constructions, because they not only benefit individuals, but also are great for people to live together in harmony.
Overall, you are really good in writing. A few mistakes and making some error-free senctences really let you to reach good mark. Please allocate a time to comment on the rest of essays.