Thanks for this essay on an interesting topic.
The essay is a little long, at 400 words, and it has an average sentence length of over 20 words per sentence. Try to write not more than 300-350 words - you won't have time in the 40 minutes for Task 2, and by hurrying you will increase the chance of errors. In addition, try to have more short sentences to balance the long ones.
Your introduction rephrases the question well and presents two sides. I would edit the topic sentence (in fact, it's not a sentence - it's a fragment!):
Which we will discuss in the following essay.
It's very difficult to begin a correct sentence with 'Which'. You could change the fragment into a sentence and make it more specific to the topic:
I will discuss some of the potential problems and possibilities resulting from immigration.
Word Choice and Usage
- well educated youth people ==> well-educated young people (or) well-educated youth
- That enforce them to leave their home country ==> That forces them to leave their home country
- Developed countries are in need for people who are qualified ==> Developed countries are in need of people who are qualified
- That we can see a country like Canada always asks for skilled workers ==> Thus, we can see that countries such as Canada always ask for skilled workers.
- In the same time ==> At the same time
- Egyptian youth most of them are tempted to travel abroad == > Most Egyptian youth are tempted to travel abroad
On the other hand, such immigration might influence both the social and political aspects of both countries the host, and the home country of the immigrant.
This is a very advanced sentence. You could use a comma, but you could also use a dash (-) or a colon (:). Or a semicolon (;). Grammar teachers will argue about this. But you need something; I would use a semicolon or a dash.
Foreigner will occupy the allowed vacancies and the resident people become unemployed, that will leads to social and political problems
A comma splice is where two sentences should be separate but are joined by a comma. They are easy to fix - use more full stops.
Another problem is that immigrants may occupy take up many jobs, leaving local residents unemployed. That will lead to social and political problems
Latter, Former, Respectively
Where the later will be depleted from its own well educated human resources, like scientists, doctors, engineers, and researchers.
Alia, I really hate the words 'latter', 'former', 'respectively', 'aforementioned' and all their cousins and relatives, like 'above' and 'following'. They force the reader to stop and go back (or forward) in the paragraph or sentence, or even in an entire essay. Leave them out. Just help the reader to go forward. In the sentence above (see?), you could write:
However, the developing country will suffer from the exodus of its own well-educated human resources, such as scientists, doctors, engineers, and researchers.
To sum up, eventhough immigration is a beneficial process for both of the two countries, the host and the home countryof the immigrant, still it has its limitations inbetween. Those are social and political limitations.
You could join up the two sentences in your conclusion, and write a new one:
To sum up, even though immigration is a beneficial process for both the host and the home country, it can have social and political consequences. Governments need to think carefully before allowing complete freedom of movement between countries.
Overall, Alia, your essay is well organized and clearly argued.