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Task 1 General Training - complaint about noise.
Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 (0 votes) 
May 12, 2012
11:12 am
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April 25, 2012
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Your neighbours have written to you to complain about noise from your flat. Write a letter to them and:

  1. explain the reason
  2. apologise
  3. say what action you will take 

 Dear Sir/Madam,

Yesterday I received your letter about the noise from my flat. I am writing to explain the events that night and I hope by reading that you accept my apologise.

I am a student in Calgary university and this is my last academic year. I play the piano and actually have created a band with my friends in university recently. One of our closest friends is going back to India because he was year ahead of us and graduated last week. So we decided to hold a goodbye party for him and make him surprise. As I am the only one who has a flat and due to dormitory regulations which prohibits playing musical instruments after 9 in the evenings, I invited them to my house to prepared our songs for the party.

I deeply apologise for annoying you last night and I promise it will never happen again. When I described the situation to my friends, they suggested to hire a studio for a week and do the rest of playing there.I hope this could satisfy you and makes you feel comfortable again.

 

Best Regards

Shahab Zeinalabedini

May 13, 2012
8:43 am
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Hi Shahab

Thanks for this Task 1 essay. Maybe I should open a separate area in the forum for Task 1, but I don't have too many examples yet.

Your essay is 185 words long which is fine, or perhaps a little long -  the requirement is 150. The sentences are a little long at 18.5. You could try adding some shorter sentences or breaking up longer ones.

Word Choice/Word Form/Usage

  • accept my apologise → accept my apologies
  • I invited them to my house to prepared our songs → to prepare
  • he was year ahead   →  he was a year ahead 
  •  they suggested to hire a studio → they suggested hiring a studio / they suggested that we hire a studio
  • I hope this could satisfy you → I hope this satisfies you

Shorten

So we decided to hold a goodbye party for him and make him surprise. → So we decided to hold a surprise goodbye party for him.

Agreement

regulations which prohibits → regulations which prohibit  

I'm not really an expert on Task 1 in the General Training module, but it seems to me that you have done a good job of answering the question.

The only thing I would say is that there is some detail which could be omitted.  I also like to start with the main verb in the first sentence - in this case 'apologise'

I'd like to apologize for  OR  I am writing to apologize for the noise last night and explain what happened. 

I am a student in Calgary university and am in a band with some friends. One of our closest friends graduated last week and is going back to India, so we decided to hold a surprise goodbye party for him. As I am the only one who has a flat and due to dormitory regulations which prohibit playing musical instruments after 9 pm, I invited them to my house to prepare our songs for the party.

I deeply apologize for annoying you last night and I promise it will never happen again. When I described the situation to my friends, they suggested hiring a studio for a week and doing the rest of playing there. I hope this satisfies you and makes you feel comfortable again.

It's 140 words, but that's fine, when you add the greetings. But this rewrite has very long sentences -  an average of 20 words per sentence! Hmmmm, I'll have to think about it!

Overall, well done.

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