Welcome!

In the forum on this page you can see IELTS essays by people just like you. Hundreds of people added essays and comments and helped each other to get a great IELTS essay score! Have a look at their amazing writing!

Please note: This forum is closed!

closed

Sorry! However, please enjoy the hundreds of essays and thousands of comments still available here. A HUGE thanks to all the writers who commented and to all the visitors. We hope we've made IELTS writing less scary.

Popular Tags

Click the links below to see essays on that topic.

art business communication children crime culture economy education environment families food freedom globalization
health heritage  leisure media politics science society sports television travel technology transport university violence work

Avatar

Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

sp_Feed Topic RSS sp_Related Related Topics sp_TopicIcon
Should children be engaged in paid work?
Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 (0 votes) 
March 2, 2012
4:37 am
Avatar
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 51
Member Since:
February 6, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. Discuss


Whether paid work is beneficial or harmful for a children is a controversial topic. Some people are convinced working can aid a child’s development, while others want to ban any kind of child labour. A child’s focus should undoubtly be on it‘s education, but I am convinced that some work experience can help teenagers in growing up and making better career choices.

On one hand, taking a job can influence a child‘s health, development and academic performance negatively. Every effort must be made to made to avoid exploitation of child labour. Most physical exhausting work, working at night hours or in dangerous place pose a threat to children’s and teenager’s health and these are forbidden by law in most countries. Moreover, I believe it is crucial to ensure all children get an education instead of working full time at young age, in order to have a chance to find skilled employment later in life. It is worth considering that it can be challenging for students to work and perform well in school. Children working may find less time for their homework and social activities and may feel overcharged. Moreover, teenagers, who are working may find work life more appealing than attending school and drop out of school altogether. Finally, the kind of jobs usually held by children are low paid, unskilled jobs that do not provide much of a learning experience.

On the other hand, gaining some practical experience in a casual or summer job can improve a child’s self esteem, sense of responsibility, motivation to study and may help them to discover their interest and talents outside the school‘s curriculum. If students can find work in a field of their interest or tutor younger students it can be advantageous for their studies despite taking up some time. Additionally, working gives children some practical life experience like teaching them the value of money. Children may be proud of their work and accompanying responsibilities boosting their self esteem and sense of independence from their parents. Lastly, realizing how much there is to learn to succeed in work life might motivate them to study harder.

All in all, I believe some work experience is advantageous for children and their education by giving them a window into work life. It remains to see if in the future increasing competition and study pressure will leave room for children to work while attending school.

March 3, 2012
5:54 am
Avatar
writefix
Guest
Guests

Hi Katiss and thanks for another excellent essay.

This essay is 399 words with an average sentence length of just over 22 words per sentence (It's a good idea to copy and paste essays into one of the two links given at the top of this page: http://www.read-able.com/ and http://www.online-utility.org/english/readability_test_and_improve.jsp).

  • A child’s focus should undoubtly be on it‘s education = A child’s focus should undoubtedly be on its education. (Possessive -  his /her/ its - no apostrophe!)

But I would rewrite the sentence to avoid using "it" -  it's just my preference!

Children should focus on their education. OR  Parents should focus on their children's education.

On one hand, taking a job can influence a child‘s health, development and academic performance negatively.==>

On the one hand...

Word choice

Children working may find less time for their homework and social activities and may feel overcharged.

I might use 'over-burdened' or 'stressed or 'over-loaded'.

Commas in, commas out:

  • Moreover, teenagers, who are working may find work life more appealing than attending school and drop out of school altogether. ==> No comma! Don't separate the verb from its subject!
  • Children may be proud of their work and accompanying responsibilities boosting their self esteem and sense of independence from their parents.

I would add a comma here after 'responsibilities' to make the sentence easier to read:

Children may be proud of their work and accompanying responsibilities, boosting their self esteem and sense of independence from their parents.  OR

Working and being responsible can boost children's self esteem and increase their independence.

I love this sentence:

Finally, the kind of jobs usually held by children are low paid, unskilled jobs that do not provide much of a learning experience.

Note: 'low paid' here needs a hyphen because the compound adjective comes before the noun - a low-paid job, a five-star hotel, a highly-educated person, but "She is highly educated," "The hotel has five stars."

Sentence Length

Short sentences are easier to read! I would definitely shorten or break up this monster sentence just to keep it more parallel

On the other hand, gaining some practical experience in a casual or summer job can improve a child’s self esteem, sense of responsibility, motivation to study and may help them to discover their interest and talents outside the school‘s curriculum. (41 words!)

On the other hand, gaining some practical experience in a casual or summer job can improve a child’s self esteem, sense of responsibility, and motivation to study. It may also help them to discover interests and talents outside the school‘s curriculum. (Average sentence length: 21 words)

This sentence is long and I had to go back and read it two or three times:

Most physical exhausting work, working at night hours or in dangerous place pose a threat to children’s and teenager’s health and these are forbidden by law in most countries.

I think it might be easier if the sentence were shortened and made slightly more parallel:

In most countries, it's forbidden for children to do physically exhausting jobs or to work at night or in dangerous places.  OR

Working in physically demanding jobs, in dangerous places, and at night is forbidden for children in most countries.

Overall, great ideas fully developed: just be careful to have some shorter sentences.

Thanks again.

Forum Timezone: Asia/Dubai

Most Users Ever Online: 299

Currently Online:
21 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 1

Members: 172

Moderators: 1

Admins: 2

Forum Stats:

Groups: 1

Forums: 3

Topics: 545

Posts: 2204

Moderators: Newestadmin: 0