Hello Flor and welcome to Writefix!
Thanks for your essay and thanks for going through some of the suggestions on the site, e.g. the 3773 layout guidelines!
I think your introduction would be clearer if you removed the first phrase. It’s not very clear.
In the waking of the development of this society, children tend to learn everything fast. In each period of their lives, they learn in different ways. This essay will discuss whether children learn best by observing the behavior of adults and copying it.
To connect the two ideas, you could change it slightly:
Although children tend to learn everything fast, people learn in different ways at different stages of their lives. This essay will discuss whether children learn best by observing the behavior of adults and copying it.
Children are from new born to 5 years old have a habit of aping the grown-ups. They talk in tongue and gesture like those they meet often.
Secondly, they don’t know any languages from birth and but after about 3 years copying and listening to other people they can talk and understand automatically.
“Aping” – the first time you used the word ‘aping’ I liked it a lot. However, I would use it once only.
Their abilities of aping are very fast.
This could change to:
Their ability to acquire language is amazing.
Opinions and Generalizations
Be careful with blunt (very definite) statements and generalizations. It’s better to show that it’s your opinion by using phrases such as “I think,” “In my opinion,” “As far as I am concerned,”
Besides, it’s hard for adults to lean languages because adults can’t learn by observing others and copying it
Many people would disagree with you. People spend lots of time observing and trying to copy experts and professionals in business, sport, music, and other fields.
You could also use modals: can/could/might/may/etc, or you could use qualifiers like “possibly,” “probably,” “sometimes,” “often,”
I know you are trying to link your sentences and ideas, but I would change these sentences a little:
The third point is that children are not only learn languages fast but also aping the behavior of adults, they imitate what their parents do.
Not only do children learn languages fast, they also imitate other behaviors of adults, particularly their parents.
Some four to five children aged between four and five can be perfect wonderful dancers because of excellent observing and copying from videos and television… They are expecting to become professional
Your third paragraph is clear and well organized.
I’d make some small changes to this sentence:
That’s why this time they tend to learn and arrange the knowledge as logical as possible, observing and copying are also helpful and support them in this period.
This could change to:
Although children are using logic to arrange knowledge, observation and copying also support their learning during/at this time.
Now after all your excellent work in answering the question, you forget to review it and summarize it in your conclusion! Don’t introduce new information – just restate your opinion that children up to about 10 learn best by copying while after that they use more logic and learn in different ways!
Thanks again and I hope to see more comments and essays from you!