Welcome!

In the forum on this page you can see IELTS essays by people just like you. Hundreds of people added essays and comments and helped each other to get a great IELTS essay score! Have a look at their amazing writing!

Please note: This forum is closed!

closed

Sorry! However, please enjoy the hundreds of essays and thousands of comments still available here. A HUGE thanks to all the writers who commented and to all the visitors. We hope we've made IELTS writing less scary.

Popular Tags

Click the links below to see essays on that topic.

art business communication children crime culture economy education environment families food freedom globalization
health heritage  leisure media politics science society sports television travel technology transport university violence work

Avatar

Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

sp_Feed Topic RSS sp_Related Related Topics sp_TopicIcon
World poverty: What causes it and what can we do about it?
Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 (0 votes) 
December 15, 2011
10:28 pm
Avatar
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 8
Member Since:
December 15, 2011
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Every country has poor people and every  country has different ways of dealing with the poor. What are some of the reasons for world poverty? What can we do to help the poor?

 

Poverty is an issue for every country and society. According to the report of the United Nations, over one billion people live from hand to mouth.

Every country tries to solve the problems connected with the poverty.

In my opinion,  the reason for poverty is corruption which is widespread in many countries. In actual fact, only developed countries,  where level of corruption is low, successfully cope with poverty.

Let's compare New Zealand and a former Soviet Republic . It is no coincidence that I have chosen these two countries. From my firsthand experience, I can definitely tell about government programs which is implemented to support people who  are in need.

My distant relative lives in New Zealand. After emigration  10 years ago she could  not find a job because of poor knowledge of the English language. She  had to apply for the help to the authorities of New Zealand and at once she got unemployment benefit on which she could afford to rent a decent three- room apartment, food and even some entertainments for her two children at weekends. She also  was given a no-repayable  grant for her education.

She had been on benefit for 9 years and all these year the country, of which she even had no citizen but only the permission for residence, supported her and helped her to learn to stand on her feet.

Now let's consider my friend who lives in a former Soviet Republic  and has got three children. Unfortunately, she became a widow several years ago and in addition, she is homeless. Of course, she got a benefit but it is enough only to buy food for a week.  She had to work at two jobs in order to be able to rent a one room flat in a seedy and squalid part of the city without basic conveniences such  as hot running water and heating .  She and her children  hardly manage to survive.

To sum up, I want to underline that only developed countries with healthy economy and highly developed democratic values do utmost to support people when they go through difficult time in their lives and in this way they struggle with poverty in their societies.

As  for developing countries, their governments should effectively struggle with corruption in order beat poverty in their societies.

December 17, 2011
4:29 pm
Avatar
writefix
Guest
Guests

Hello Milaniyamiila and welcome to Writefix!

Your essay is very interesting. The examples seem real to the reader, and good stories are far more important than minor grammar or vocabulary errors.  You have avoided the danger of over-exaggeration.

Clive at http://www.englishforums.com/English/PleaseEssayAboutPovertyThank-All/qpnhr/post.htm and some commentators in a forum at http://otvet.mail.ru/question/68300102/ have already given some very good feedback.

I would agree with grouping sentences together and having fewer paragraphs: An introduction, one about your relative in New Zealand, one about your friend in Russia, and a conclusion. 

I feel that although you blame corruption in the introduction and conclusion, you haven't explained the link between corruption and poverty clearly enough. Of course, there isn't time, even in a 383-word essay, to do this properly.

Some vocab issues:

 the country, of which she even had no citizen but only the permission for residence, supported her 

I would change to:

the country supported her, even though she was not a citizen and had only a residence permit.   OR

Even though not a citizen, she was supported by the country until she was able to....    

Sentence length:

I recommend an average number of 12 words per sentence. This sentence has 44 words

To sum up, I want to underline that only developed countries with healthy economy and highly developed democratic values do utmost to support people when they go through difficult time in their lives and in this way they struggle with poverty in their societies.

Try to keep sentences short: 12 words is a good average. Here are three of your sentences:

  • Let's compare New Zealand and a former Soviet Republic. (9 words approx)
  • She and her children hardly manage to survive. (8 words)
  • After emigration 10 years ago she could not find a job because of [her] poor knowledge of the English language. (20 words).

The average is 12.3 - Perfect! It's not a scientific number, but people get lost in long sentences. Pronoun references become unclear. Punctuation becomes more difficult, and ideas harder to untangle, develop and absorb. 

To sum up, I want to underline that only developed countries with healthy economy economies and highly developed democratic values do [their] utmost to support people when they [Who does  "they" refer to?" Countries? People?] go through difficult times in their lives and in this way they [again, who does  "they" refer to?" Countries? People?] struggle with poverty in their societies.

This might change to 

To sum up, only developed countries with healthy economies and strong democratic values genuinely support people in difficult times by helping them to get back on their feet. Corrupt countries, on the other hand, ignore the poor, or force them to pay for ever-worsening services. This results in a downward spiral of poverty which threatens all but an elite.  

December 21, 2011
6:16 am
Avatar
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 8
Member Since:
December 15, 2011
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks a lot

You are great

Forum Timezone: Asia/Dubai

Most Users Ever Online: 299

Currently Online:
24 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 1

Members: 172

Moderators: 1

Admins: 2

Forum Stats:

Groups: 1

Forums: 3

Topics: 545

Posts: 2204

Moderators: Newestadmin: 0