Welcome!

In the forum on this page you can see IELTS essays by people just like you. Hundreds of people added essays and comments and helped each other to get a great IELTS essay score! Have a look at their amazing writing!

Please note: This forum is closed!

closed

Sorry! However, please enjoy the hundreds of essays and thousands of comments still available here. A HUGE thanks to all the writers who commented and to all the visitors. We hope we've made IELTS writing less scary.

Popular Tags

Click the links below to see essays on that topic.

art business communication children crime culture economy education environment families food freedom globalization
health heritage  leisure media politics science society sports television travel technology transport university violence work

Avatar

Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

sp_Feed Topic RSS sp_Related Related Topics sp_TopicIcon
Should students work part time during university studies?
Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 Topic Rating: 0 (0 votes) 
December 18, 2011
4:27 pm
Avatar
Ha Noi, Vietnam
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 29
Member Since:
November 19, 2011
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Most students choose to work part time during university studies. Do you think it’s a good or a bad idea? Give your opinion and support it with an explanation and examples.

 

It is controversial issue whether taking an after-school work is a curse or a blessing. In this essay, I will discuss both side of this problem and give my personal argument for working part-time.

Many parents and teachers frown upon the idea of students working part-time. Their line of reasoning appears to be that it is bound to distract student’s attention away from their study, and some students even play truant, which may hurt their academic performance. Furthermore, due to lacking life experience, they hard to differentiate the good from the bad and may come under the influence of bad people. This, even worse, drives them to embark on criminal world.

On the other hand, undoubtedly, taking a part-time job poses a source of benefits. Thanks to earning their own money, students may provide partly for their demand, relieving financial burden of their families. Moreover, when involving in competitive work environment, working with sweat and tears and reaching their goals, students can recognize their own values and prove that they are capable people, which enables them to be more confident in themselves.  With joining in an after-school work, students might enjoy a chance to apply actively theoretical knowledge into practice. As a result, they are very likely to get deeper insight into what they have learned in classes and books.

From my point of view, regardless of its cons, working part-time should be encouraged. There is a fact that parents and teachers by no means can shelter their children throughout their life from realities of life. Taking part-time jobs with support from parents and the school to keep youngster on right track will bestow upon them a great chance to experience and explore the world around. After that, they may become more mature and ready to struggle with their latter lives.

To conclude, part-time jobs, like other things, have both plus and minus points hidden behind. What is of paramount importance is firm stuff of students as well as joint-effort between parents and the school to assist students whenever they need.

January 10, 2012
3:59 pm
Avatar
writefix
Guest
Guests

Hello Linh

Sorry for taking so long to reply to your essay.

There's only one me, but there are thousands of other good writers out there! People should feel free to comment on anyone's essay here!

Over-used phrases

In IELTS it's good to avoid phrases such as

  • controversial issue
  • double-edged sword
  • no-one can deny that
  • in a nutshell
  • the advantages outweigh the disadvantages
  • every argument has pros and cons 
  • I will examine both sides and give my opinion
  • Both sides have plus and minus points

These phrases are used too often and IELTS examiners (1) don't like them and (2) suspect that such phrases are just memorized and thrown in at random.

 

You wrote:

It is controversial issue whether taking an after-school work is a curse or a blessing

This would be fresher and more interesting if you asked:

Is working outside school hours a curse or a blessing?

Pronoun Reference and Sentence Length

Keep sentences short! If your sentences are long, then it becomes difficult to keep track of the pronouns ("They", "He," "It" etc) and what they refer to.

Many parents and teachers frown upon the idea of students working part-time. Their line of reasoning appears to be that it is bound to distract student’s attention away from their study, and some students even play truant, which may hurt their academic performance. Furthermore, due to lacking life experience, they hard to differentiate the good from the bad and may come under the influence of bad people. This, even worse, drives them to embark on criminal world.

Here's the same paragraph, slightly edited to make pronouns clearer. (I've also changed the over-generalization about the criminal world: do most students who work part-time really become criminals?)

Many parents and teachers frown upon the idea of students working part-time. Their line of reasoning appears to be that it is bound to distract the student’s attention away from their study. Some students may even drop completely out of school to work, which obviously will affect their academic performance. Furthermore, due to their youth and lack of life experience, some part-time workers may find it hard to differentiate the good from the bad and fall under the influence of bad company.

I really like your ideas and sentences in paragraphs three and four. One small point: in paragraph four, change "latter" to "later."

How could you make the first sentence in your conclusion stronger? It's a little weak.  And what do you mean by "firm stuff of students"?

 

  

January 11, 2012
10:24 am
Avatar
Ha Noi, Vietnam
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 29
Member Since:
November 19, 2011
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Enda,

Thank you very much for your help. Nice to see you! Did you enjoy a favorable and memorable holiday? I hope so 😡

I know, I know that I can feel free to add my comments about others' essays, but I see most of them are better writer than me. It's so hard to comment about them :(. I just simply add a plus point in their post (such as that of sophia, I really enjoy her essays ^^). Some of them write some essays which I find quite hard to follow, so ... I dont know how to comment about them. In addition to that, I'm on exam season now :(. I even dont have free time to write an essay carefully (Poor me!:( )

Hope that in Tet holiday when I will take day off and have much free time, I can help others.

ABOUT MY ESSAY :

I totally agree with you that I usually use long sentences. I know, it is really my weak point. I've tried to limit it and make my essays clearer.

Surely, Your edit and the way you use pronouns and adverbs make it stronger. I always enjoy adverbs people use in their essays as well as in daily conversations but I'm not good at using them ^^

My essays are often over-length, I suppose. That's why I try to write conclusion briefly, but unfortunately, it also makes the conclusion weaker 🙁

Regarding to "firm stuff", I mean a good personality, perhaps, which helps people can resist temptations, deal with difficulties, and something like that.

Forum Timezone: Asia/Dubai

Most Users Ever Online: 299

Currently Online:
16 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 1

Members: 172

Moderators: 1

Admins: 2

Forum Stats:

Groups: 1

Forums: 3

Topics: 545

Posts: 2204

Moderators: Newestadmin: 0