Hello Qing and welcome to Writefix
I hope you enjoy being here and that you can help other people to get a great score!
Your essay is 356 words long, which is a little too long. Aim for about 300 words max, or perhaps 320. Any more and you won’t have enough time to think about grammar and accuracy. Don’t forget it’s the last part of the last exam on a long day.
Practice handwriting against the clock. Print out the sample IELTS Writing Task 2 Answer sheet here so that you know the appropriate length depending on your handwriting: 300 words is about a page and a half for most people. That’s plenty!
You’ve done a very good job of spotting some of the problems already!
Yes, ‘priorities’ is not correct here: ‘special help’ or ‘special treatment’ would be better.
Yes, the sentence is waaaay too long! You wrote:
Although they are probably not as good as urban students in terms of academic and economic backgrounds at the beginning of studying due to the poor standard of living and inferior education resources in rural areas, they can catch up with their urban peers by hard working.
This is 47 words! Try to keep sentences to between 12 and 15 words on average (your average is 14.83, so well done!) and try to avoid sentences longer than about 25 words.
Here’s a possible rewrite. I’m going to link more closely to the idea in the previous sentence (‘Firstly, rural students may feel disrespected by receiving special help’):
They may feel inferior because of less money or poor schooling, but they can catch up with their urban peers by working hard. They do not want to be treated as special cases. (33 words, two sentences, average 16.5 words)
They may feel inferior socially or academically, but through hard work they can quickly catch up with their urban peers. They do not want to be treated as special cases or be given preferential status. (35 words, 2 sentences, average 17.5 words).
- so them should receive special aid. → so they should receive special aid.
Watch for pronoun reference: You wrote:
this is not an excuse for universities to give them priorities
Here’s a possible rewrite:
this is not an excuse for universities to give rural students an unfair advantage
Your conclusion is fine, and the entire essay is well developed and easy to read. I look forward to seeing more essays here, and, if you have time, it would be great if you can help some others.