What I liked about the essay was the unusual way that you found a difference between sport and concerts – it wasn't the standard boring answer to the question.

Your comments on your own essay are absolutely correct – great editing. 

The sentence about a camera I might change to something like:

 In addition, television provides us with the best views because of the many cameras and expert editing

Pronoun Reference

On the other hand, attending live performances has theirits particular advantages. OR

Live performances have their particular advantages.

Meaning

There is one sentence which is still a little unclear to me:

It is no more delightful to see my best-loved singer performs my lovely song. 

I think from the sentence's location in the essay that you probably meant something like this:

It was really delightful to see my best-loved singer perform my favourite song live. 

Here's another that I'm not very satisfied with: 

Firstly, audiences are surrounded by liveliness and realities.

I know what you mean, but I want to change it. I'm not sure how. It's possibly because there are two ideas in one sentence. Maybe this?

Firstly, the atmosphere at a live concert is completely different from when you watch a recording on television or DVD. You are surrounded by other excited fans and the feelings are heightened by being shared. Secondly, the entire experience is more real. It's not just a second-hand image on a screen: In the stadium or concert hall you can feel the singer or musician react to the crowd, and the crowd react in turn. 

Introduction: Stock phrases – make them specific to the essay topic.

This is a complex issue and my opinion is to support for all of them. In this essay I will outline some arguments to clarify my point of view.

Some IELTS writers use stock phrases like these in every single essay, regardless of topic. Try to bring the main terms and related vocabulary from the topic into these sentences.  Perhaps like this: 

For me, both live and recorded events can be very enjoyable. In this essay, I will explain why I can be found both on my sofa and in the stadium. 

Notice I left out the "This is a complex issue." It's really amazing how many issues in IELTS essays are "contentious," "complex," "divisive," "a matter of hot debate" (and its cousin "hotly-debated"), "controversial" or "double-edged." These words are usually followed by "recently" or "in recent years."  In fact, many IELTS topics are really not that fascinating, and only good examples, like those in your essay, make them more interesting.  

Thanks for your contribution, and glad you liked Westlife! 

However, there are some mistakes in my writing. There are:

1. This is a complex issue and my opinion is to support for all of them . Using "for all of them" in this sentence is not exact because all indicates 3 things and over. My essay, however, looks at two facts: watching live or televised. Therefore, the correct phrase in the sentence is both of them.

2. settle down their favourite sofa to watch television. A preposition is missed here. We have to say: settle down on their favourite sofa.

3. In addition, there are apparently the best views supporting by an operator. I'd like to change supporting to attained, as well as an operator for a camera.

4. a large number of cameras in different views. I prefer to change views for locations. 

5. football match on television helps me aware situations more precise. I was wrong when I functioned aware as a verb. Actually, it is an adjective, with the phrase: be aware of something. Thus, the sentence can be rewritten: football matches on television helps me be more aware of situations.

I hope the forum's members will help me to find and correct my mistakes.

A wonderful essay, let's see more.

alia

Do you agree or disagree? 

There is some dispute whether attending a live performance or watching the same event on television is more pleasurable. This is a complex issue and my opinion is to support for all of them. In this essay I will outline some arguments to clarify my point of view.

First of all, there are three major arguments in favour of watching events on television. One is that viewers do not have to drive to stadiums or theatres. Moreover they can settle down their favourite sofa to watch television. In addition, there are apparently the best views supporting by an operator. Television producers always put a large number of cameras in different views. As a result operators effectively create the best perspective of events. From my experience, watching slow motion in football match on television helps me aware situations more precise.

On the other hand, attending live performances has their particular advantages. Firstly, audiences are surrounded by liveliness and realities. Numerous live shows of famous singers attract the public significantly because the audiences admire the singers. Attending preferred singers’ concerts, audience can see their idols visually. This feeling is apparently never obtained by watching TV. As for me, viewing the band Westlife’s performance in MyDinh stadium in 2010 Octorber gave me numerous special feelings, although I had listened to and watched a number of the band’s VCDs. It is no more delightful to see my best-loved singer performs my lovely song.

 To sum up, I prefer to attend events such as concert or show. However, I would like to watch sporting events on television, at home. 

This is my first essay on writefix. Please, don't hesitate to leave your comment on my writing.