Population growth continue to increase in the world at a fast pace. As the population swells, many experts are not only worry about this subject, but also are they concern about its hazardous results. (I think not only… but also is misused. The first sentence should be inversion structure, and the sentence after but also is normal style. Can u get my point? I hope so.) Famine, environmental pollution or even war are is (coz u use or before) some of these threats. As a few suggestions to fight over-population, we can rely on better education, family incentives or and even stricter social legislation. (The thesis sentence perhaps could be better.)

Education is the most important mean to control the population. Family control (population control?) topics are quite matured and common in many developed countries, but on the other hand is a subject of less attention in under-developed (developing) countries. Many married women in these societies are prone to unprecedented pregnancy which eventually leads to child birth. Lack of proper education in this scope causes these sort of (the oral English is not good use in essays) problems. There are many statistics in Africa for example, which show a rising number of young women have searched for a post-prevention remedy after they found out about their unwanted pregnancy.

In some developing countries, governments introduce programs to encourage families for less children. These programs normally offer people incentives such as tax cut or special retirement benefits. In these societies, it is proven that many families will welcome family control schemes if they receive advantages in their financial life. For example, in Turkey the number child birth dropped by 20 percent after unveiling such a program in 2003.

Next alternative which is less popular among families is setting hard legislation to prevent population growth. Stopping some social benefits such as pension or having the right to vote are some of many possible rules and regulations through which governments can control the population more exclusively. (this sentence is quite long, u lost me. I think sth is wrong in his sentence) This scheme is often used in highly populated countries such as India which the prior models might not work properly.

In summary, handling the consequences of over-population is very difficult for many countries and as a result this subject should not be underestimated. Through education, encouragement models or by using the law we might be able to avoid the threat of population ‘explosion’.

Good essay. Tons of good words in ur essay and the opinion is clear. The grammar mistakes r few. If I m the examiner, I would give u a high score. But I wanna say that some of ur sentences r hard to understand. Maybe I m not good, however, I suggest that cut some long sentences down, coz I guess English is a language, it use for easy to understand not just long clauses used in essay. Be careful about not only, but also, perhaps u r right, but so many people make mistakes here.

Best regards.

David

Hey, Vincent

I got ur point from ur rewrite. I wanna say that u r rich in luxical resources. intimidate is a good word, i have to say.

I c ur comments on another essay, I hope u could achieve good result.

Do u have a skype id? add me plz

David