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(0 votes) 1:08 am
March 7, 2012
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Discuss on why people define happiness differently and how to obtain happiness?
It is true that people have different views on happiness. I think it comes from different characteristics and thoughts that people have about the meaning of gladness.
As a matter of fact, people with different ages have various objectives and interests to pursue. For example, a child becomes very pleased when his/her parent will purchase a toy to play with it. And for young adult following the latest fashionable clothes and hairstyle may be considered joyfulness. Instead, for senior people having an admirable career and family bring happy time.
Moreover, regarding the one’s instinct, perception of happiness is going to be different. For those of people who tend to have luxury life pursuing the monetary wealth and earning money is a prior goal. They even sacrifice everything to achieve their dreams. This would make them happy in their life. Instead, others who see life from a different angle tend to spend more time on family members and friends.
In terms of obtaining happiness, we should consider that access ways to happiness differ from one individual to another. Then people should define their priorities based on their objectives and aims. For instance, people who tend to achieve higher education and wish to climb high in science ladder need to make greater effort to achieve their goals. This goes same for other people with different objectives. However, individuals should be realistic and avoid being too ambitious about their goals.
In conclusion, considering the fact that individual’s temperament varies from person to person, therefore, the meaning of being happy is quite relied on personality. People should scrutinize themselves to set their goals based on their abilities. Being too ambitious also may lead to disappointing, preventing individuals to attain a happy life.
11:44 pm
Hi Brian
Thanks for taking up the challenge! We have three essays by female writers at https://staging5.writefix.com/?page_id=2722/about-this-forum/what-is-happiness-three-essays-1-1 - and now we have a very good essay from you.
So here are a few definitions of happiness - or definitions of the opposite of happiness!
- Alison … "the dazzling and luxurious handbags of Chanel"
- Naheed …"receiving a red rose from a loved one"
- Linh …"it's the nature of man to be greedy"
and now Brian ......"being too ambitious may lead to disappointment"
Who would like to comment on Brian's essay? How does it compare to the essays by Alison, Naheed or Linh?
3:18 pm
March 7, 2012
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Sorry I change this sentence" Being too ambitious also may lead to disappointing, preventing individuals to attain a happy life."
to "Being too ambitious also may lead to disappointed, preventing individuals to attain a happy life."
Thank you Mr.writefix
7:29 pm
Hi Brian
You chose a complicated abstract topic, and written about it in an academic way.
Introduction
I would not have introduced the new word 'gladness' - happiness is the key word in the question and it's difficult to paraphrase. 'Gladness' certainly doesn't cover it. You wrote:
It is true that people have different views on happiness. I think it comes from different characteristics and thoughts that people have about the meaning of gladness.
Your introduction is made clearer by your conclusion, where you have some good ideas. How could you rewrite the intro to make it stronger?
People have different views on happiness. I think this difference comes from each person's characteristics, attitudes, and beliefs. In this essay, I will give some examples of why happiness means different things to different people.
Paragraph 2
'As a matter of fact' seems strange here. It is usually used to give more information about something, but here there is nothing before it.
Word Choice
people with different ages have various objectives and interests ==> people of different ages have various objectives and interests
Markers
I would rewrite Paragraph 2 to change the markers:
People of different ages have their own objectives and interests. For example, children are pleased when their parents buy them toys. For young adults, happiness may mean following the latest clothes and hairstyles. For older people, having an admirable career and family may bring true contentment.
In Paragraph 3, you discuss 'instinct,' but is this a chicken and egg situation? Does money make rich people happy, or does luxury lead to more luxury?
In Paragraph 4, you discuss 'access' but it's not entirely clear what you mean. For example, is there a quicker way for people who are interested in education to achieve happiness? Why go through all the pain of studying if there is a quicker way? You also need to give an example for this point:
This goes same for other people with different objectives.
Make sure you develop all your ideas fully. Check the IELTS descriptors for Task 2 under Task Response
Conclusion
In conclusion, considering the fact that individual’s temperament varies from person to person, therefore, the meaning of being happy is quite relied on personality.
'Considering' and 'therefore' can't be used together. They are like 'Although' and 'but.'
In conclusion, because temperament varies from person to person, happiness depends on personality.
Being too ambitious also may lead to disappointing, preventing individuals to attain a happy life.
Being too ambitious also may lead to disappointment, and prevent you from living a happy life.
As I said, you've approached the topic in a quite academic way. Would more examples have made it easier for you to write and for the reader to read?
9:30 pm
March 7, 2012
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Hi Enda,
Many thanks for these comments. I really need to work on backing up my ideas with strong points.
I was wondering to know if writing essay with an academic way raises our score or not?
10:35 am
Hi Brian
Well, it depends on what you mean by 'an academic way'. Usually the IELTS essay prompt encourages you to add examples and your own experience. Clearly in 250 words you can't write a full academic essay or analyze in great detail, so it's often better to use some examples or stories that illustrate your point of view.
I don't think it's wrong to be less formal. I don't advise you to start rapping in the essay or typing in text-message shorthand, but you can say "I remember" or "my grandfather often told me" or "In my experience..."
Both very academic and very relaxed styles are acceptable - what is not acceptable is sudden changes in style or inappropriate use of either one.
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