Hi Sara,

After going through your essay what i can conclude that you understood the topic and tried to justified your opinion but problem is lack of clarity and organization which will affect your marks. In essay especially for language tests like Toefl there should be minimum 4 paragraphs and all paragraphs should be properly connected for e.g

1) Introduction - talk about why this unemployement is increasing or why it has become difficult for youth to find job now - reasons can be recession, etc. than mention whats your stand if topic ask for your opinion and than mention main reasons which you will be dealing later in the essay.

2) Main Body - must consists of 2 to 3 paragraphs where you will give reasons for your opinion and justify the same through examples.

Problems Individual will face:

a) considered as failure no matter how good you performed in exams but if you are jobless - u are loser. - e.g. your neighbour's son is considered as loser though graduated from premier engineering college of the country.

b) pressure from family, friends etc - force to commit suicide - e.g. recently renowned managize conducted a survey where it is found suicide has increased due to unemployment or firing from jobs.

c) de-motivate from taking higher studies - e.g. considering recession you have postponed your plan to pursue post graduate course in computer science.

d) fail to pay back loans if taken education loan and accumulation of interest - bankrupt

Problems for society:

a) crime rate increased at an alarming rate as youth are unemployed so forced to indulge in criminal activities to survive.

b) no monetary and non -monetary appreciation for hard work - no one will make efforts or give their best

c) cause depression/ slow growth which will have impact on the economy.

finally, Conclusion - last para where you can write solutions like Govt should take measures to cure this problem by reducing interest rate on education loan, promote investment in industries, generate jobs, reduce retirement age, etc.

Hope you got my point and next time will write Perfect essay. Best of Luck.