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(0 votes) 12:23 am
March 7, 2012
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People should keep all the money they earn and should not pay taxes to the state. Do you agree or disagree?
Not surprisingly, the tax issue is highly debated in many political speeches. Although many taxpayers feel pressured by taxes, I believe that it is essential to allow the government to introduce tax. Below are some reasons to support.
To begin with, taxation is a process that the government raises fractional income of people to apply in different parts of a society. It can be used as a safeguard against many problems which people face in the future life. For example, those people who lose their earning capabilities because of injuries, diseases or disabilities can be entitled to use this tax to handle their situation well. This may lead to reduce many crimes that committed by unemployment. In fact, taxpayers through paying tax help to secure their jobs and establish a healthy environment.
Taxation is meanwhile an effective tool by which a society can ensure that the gap between the rich and the poor is still low. In many countries, it is a rule that the higher the personal incomes, the higher income taxes. These funds could be used to ensure that disadvantaged people can afford to live better. For example, the government by imposing taxes can establish more public projects such as hospitals, education and clubs for those who cannot afford to access them. This may close the level of living among different people.
From what have been discussed above, I think taxpayers benefit from taxation. Not only taxation helps the government to carry out a various functions in a country, but also it does help taxpayers to have better lives.
10:29 am
March 2, 2012
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Hello, Brian.
I think your introduction is very good. It is simple but impressive, and distinctive.
But I feel that the second sentence——
I believe that it is essential to allow the government to introduce tax
could be better if you use "for", say,
I believe that it is essential for government to levy tax
or
I believe that levying tax is essential for not only the government but the people.
11:10 am
March 2, 2012
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Your Paragraph Two is good too. You have strong evidence to support your argument, which I think is the most important thing to a good essay. With no doubt, your essay is organized very well and your thesis is evident.
But in the meantime, I feel one or two sentences in this part is a little complicated or maybe, confusing, like the first sentence—
To begin with, taxation is a process that the government raises fractional income of people to apply in different parts of a society.
Frankly, I think it is kind of needless, because everybody know what tax is. (But some teachers say it is good to explain a noun. I don't know, I am not sure about this.） I just think this sentence could be better if you change it in this way—
To begin with, taxation, as a kind of income, allows government to be active in different aspects of a society.
Simplify
This may lead to reduce many crimes that committed by unemployment.——
This may reduce many crimes committed by unemployment.
This may reduce many crimes that is committed by unemployment.
In fact, taxpayers through paying tax help to secure their jobs and establish a healthy environment.——
In fact, paying tax helps to secure taxpayers' jobs and establish a healthy environment.
In fact, taxpayers through paying tax secure their jobs and establish a healthy environment.
In addition, you have few errors in ARTICLE, you might check yourself
3:34 pm
Hi Brian and Alison
Thanks for the essay and comments.
Overall, Brian I think the essay is fine.
I would prefer one more idea in each body paragraph. There are two in Paragraph Two - (to help unemployed people, to prevent crime) and two in Paragraph Three (to narrow the gap in society, to provide more facilities for the public). I think three is always a good number to aim for!
I agree with Alison about ‘introduce’ and ‘fractional.’ In your third paragraph, I would change ‘close’ to ‘narrow the gap’ or ‘reduce the gap’ or ‘ensure that everyone has a reasonable standard of living’
Try to avoid sentences which could be used in a million essays:
Below are some reasons to support [my idea].
Here’s one possible rewrite:
In my essay, I will suggest that taxes prevent social unrest and crime and help governments improve living standards for all.
Shorten/Simplify
For example, those people who lose their earning capabilities because of injuries, diseases or disabilities can be entitled to use this tax to handle their situation well. (27 words)
People who lose their jobs because of injury or illness can still take care of their families. (17 words)
Not Only…But Also
You wrote:
Not only taxation helps the government to carry out a various functions in a country, but also it does help taxpayers to…
Here’s one possible rewrite:
Not only does taxation help the government to carry out vital functions in the country, it also helps taxpayers to… OR
Taxation not only helps governments.... it also helps taxpayers....
I am officially banning ‘Not only/But also’ and all its relatives from this forum. It’s very hard to get right, and people don’t use it that much.
As usual, a big thanks to Alison for her comments and some very good rewrites.
Should we explain everything?
Alison asked if it is necessary to add an explanation of something as well known as tax.
It’s a difficult question to answer. If something is obvious, then it is a little insulting or pointless to explain it, but sometimes you do need to give the background or a definition.
There’s no rule really, except perhaps to avoid wasting valuable words from your 250 on explanations of very obvious ideas or terms.
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