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Hi, everyone.
I'm a new member. I will take the IE exam next month but my English writing is not good. So I hope everyone help me improve and achieve my goals.
Thanks
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Topic: There are an excessive number of cars on our roads today and this lead to many problems. Individual and governments should ensure that public transport plays a more important role in modern life in order to tackle these problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Over the past few decades, a great many large cities have witnessed a significant rise in the number of road accidents. Some people argue that individual and governments should take notice of the important role of public transportation. Howere, I firmly believe that there are other ways to deal with transport problems in some cases.
Firstly, we should bear in mind that public transportation is not the only option when it comes to reducing road accidents. Even-though this solution might make the roads a bit safer, whether does everyone accept to wait for a long time to catch up buses or to sit in crowded underground or not? If it does not have a strict punishment which emphasizes people's obedience in traffic law, residents will not tend to use public transport for commuting. Only by rigorous discipline can people make a pint of being careful behind the wheel. In order to do this, governments, especially, focus on educating the local and implementing all policies effectively in effort to reduce the number of automobiles on the roads.
To be more precise, there is a remarkable increase in the quantity of cars because of the booming of population together with technological advances. Each year, hundreds of automobiles have been manufacturing to meet everyone's demand in modern life. Therefore, besides using heavy punishment, governments in cooperate with individuals should minimize the increase of population as well as try to avoid residents' gathering with overcrowded density on a city. Moreover, enhancing road system, particularly broadening and maintaining makes a great contribution to the decline of road accidents. Government and local authorities should also allocate the budget to reconstruction of the old public transport system, improve and provide more kinds of service, in common with reducing the cost of traveling for buses, train and subways. This will the better way to solce the traffic problems in general and to limit the growth of cares in particular.
To conclude, while means of public transportation might be effective, they are not the only way to tackle problems caused by the increase of cars. There are other solutions, the government and individuals can take to obtain the purpose. Unless all ways are implemented, a myriad of cities will be in serious peril in the future.
7:33 pm
December 28, 2011

Hi ngoc.anh,
Welcome to writefix! I think your essay is great with a wide range of vocabulary an grammar. You ideas are also clear and easy to follow. Keep up the good work!
However, I just want to mention a few points:
Howere, I firmly believe that there are other ways to deal with transport problems in some cases.
--> However, I firmly believe that there are other ways to deal with transport problems. (the phrase "in some cases" sound vague in my opinion)
Even-though this solution might make the roads a bit safer, whether does everyone accept to wait for a long time to catch up buses or to sit in crowded underground or not?
-->Even though this solution might increase road safety, many people may not accept to wait for a long time to catch up buses or to sit in crowded underground stations.
In order to do this, governments, especially, focus on educating the local and implementing all policies effectively in effort to reduce the number of automobiles on the roads.
--> In order to do this, governments should focus on educating the local in effort to reduce the number of automobiles on the roads. (The phrase "implementing all policies" sound vague, you should write directly which policy ?)
Therefore, besides using heavy punishment, governments in cooperate with individuals should minimize the increase of population as well as try to avoid residents' gathering with overcrowded density on a city
-->Therefore, besides giving heavy punishment, governments may cooperate with local authorities to minimize the increase in population, especially in cities.
Government and local authorities should also allocate the budget to reconstruction of the old public transport system, improve and provide more kinds of service, in common with reducing the cost of traveling for buses, train and subways.
-->Official leaders should also allocate more budget for upgrading the old public transport system as well as reducing public transport fares.
This will the better way to solce the traffic problems in general and to limit the growth of cares in particular.
-->These policies may help to solve traffic problems in general and to limit the growth of cars in particular.
PS: I'm not a native speaker, so my comments may not correct. Hope that helps!
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