Hi Alia

Thanks for your essay. I've reformatted it a little above – I think you may have had problems with the editor so I've put back the paragraphs in the way I think you wanted them. Let me know if they are wrong.

It's always good to run your essay through the spell checker on your computer and to fix the punctuation. In English it's important to put the space AFTER the full stop (period) or comma – not before. And don't forget every sentence starts with a capital letter. If your essay looks good, it will get a higher mark, whether you are writing or typing, because examiners are human!

OK – one thing I would say here is to check carefully for Fragments. Fragments are parts of sentences. Something (a subject, a verb, an object, or something else) is missing so the sentence becomes a puzzle. There is one big fragment in your essay:

Alia said

First of all , concerning the unnecessary stressful pain that the experimental animal undergos , for us to examin a new drug efficiency , its side effects , duration of action or the adequate doses required .

A second point: watch out for phrases that sound good but in fact say very little:

Alia said

In the following essay we are going to explain the opposit situations to illustrat this topic .

IELTS examiners may view this as a chunk of memorized text and may penalize you.

You could change this to something specific to the essay, such as:

In this essay I am going to say why I think using animals is the only choice available to us.

Hi Sina and welcome to Writefix!

Thanks for your essay! I'm glad you posted it under Alia's so we can look at related ideas easily.

The first suggestions I'd make are to write shorter sentences and to avoid using commas.

Sina wrote:

No one can reject, the role of exploration in our modern life.one kind of exploration is to find the new drugs for human, furthermore people want to overcome disease and they need the pill to use and feel healthy, but scientist must test the new production in some way,the most less risk way is to test that in the animals likes hamster or muse or some times monkeys instead of human.

Don't join sentences with commas. Instead, just put a full stop and start a new sentence (with a capital letter of course!). 

A second suggestion is to avoid words that don't contribute much. Sometimes examiners call these words "memorized chunks"

• no one can deny that
• it's clear that
• no one can reject that

Instead of using these, just say what you want to say directly:

• Exploration and discovery are very important today.
• Nobody wants to test new drugs on humans.

Hi Zakir and welcome back.

Your essay is 232 words long which would lead to a penalty in IELTS.  Just adding one more sentence would avoid this problem!

Make intros specific!

In your intro, try to make the thesis sentence specific. It should rephrase some of the words in the question.

You wrote

In this essay I will highlight its positive and negative aspects.

This might be better as:

In this essay I will look at the positive and negative aspects of animal testing in the development of new drugs.

Organization: make your arguments symmetrical (equal weighting)

You have two advantages or uses of animal testing (space exploration, cloning and hybrids -  although I think you have some other ideas in this section also. Remember: one sentence, one idea!)

However, you have only one argument against animal testing – you didn't develop the ethical issues, but focused in on a detail about animals dying outside testing centers, which seems a little obscure or relatively minor.

In your last paragraph,  I'm not really sure what you mean in the last part of the sentence

… animals should be used for medicinal practices , and the government should check that they are not only made for death but for death to life. 

There's no need to be too dramatic or flowery in IELTS – just be as plain and direct as you can. In the speaking exam you will have an opportunity to use rhetoric, but simpler is generally better in the writing test.