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(0 votes) 
Dear friends,
I would be appreciated of you could criticize my writing as follow:
Thanks in advances and looking forward to hearing from you soon,
mzahed
Many university students live with their families while others need to live away from home because their universities are in different cities. What are the advantages and disadvantages in both situations?
My answer:
Some people think that it is better for university student to stay at their city during university time. This group refers to the threats to student while they are away. In contrast, opponents feel that student need to experience life without their parents. However, there are both benefits and drawbacks to this.
First of all, living away from hometown and new environment provides youngsters useful qualities such as social skills and independence. Youths who are living in dormitory or campus are actually learning life’s lessons from their peers and classmates. However, one day they will get married and go from family life. So, they have to become familiar with these issues earlier and why not during university time.
In addition to the above-mentioned pros, student life has its unique recreational aspects. However, many people from different cultures and even countries come to share their lives, experience, happiness and sorrow with each other. In my opinion, it is the best time to give opportunity to our children to fulfill their adventurous wishes.
Despite the above-pointed out positive points, student lives have been associated with several negative points. For example, at the early of their lives, they are highly vulnerable to suffer from psychological disorders, loneliness and being homesick. It takes much time to adopt the new atmosphere and deal with the new challenges in their lives. Another problem must be mention is the danger of addiction due to the above problems and other reasons such as peer pressure.
In conclusion, I think student life has its special advantages which make it worthwhile to experience, although some minor negative issues may threaten student lives.
Some people think that it is better for university student to stay at their city during university time. This group refers to the threats to student while they are away. In contrast, opponents (incorrect word here) feel that student need to experience life without their parents. However, there are both benefits and drawbacks to this. (it is not good to be the thesis sentence, tell the reader what is pro and con respectively)
First of all, living away from hometown and in new environment provides youngsters useful qualities such as social skills and independence. (u need a top sentence before this sentence) Youths who are living in dormitory or campus are actually learning life’s lessons from their peers and classmates. However, one day they will get married and go from family life. So, they have to become familiar with these issues earlier and why not during university time.
In addition to the above-mentioned pros, student life has its unique recreational aspects. However, many people from different cultures and even countries come to share their lives, experience, happiness and sorrow with each other. In my opinion, it is the best time to give opportunity to our children to fulfill their adventurous wishes.
Despite the above-pointed out positive points, student lives have been associated with several negative points. For example, at the early of their lives, they are highly vulnerable to suffer from psychological disorders, loneliness and being homesick. It takes much time to adopt the new atmosphere and deal with the new challenges in their lives. Another problem must be mention is the danger of addiction due to the above problems and other reasons such as peer pressure.
In conclusion, I think student life has its special advantages which make it worthwhile to experience, although some minor negative issues may threaten student lives.
Hi dude, I guess u have a good capacity in English. But, its not like a writing for ielts. The last paragraph need to fix, it should be the important part. Not just advantages are good, disadvantages could be conquered. All in all, chaning the structure ll make ur essay more great.
David
Dear Guiders - Please review my essay and feel free to let me know your opinion about it.
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Education is one of the back bone for individual, as it opens the opportunities for Northward success, however to achieve, students need to study by living with their families or away from home and during this journey there are advantages and disadvantages for both the cases.
Firstly, students who live with their families get more support from them and are confident during their exams, whereas students who are away sometimes gets demotivated. Living with family invloves no hostel expense and some finance is saved whereas living away some expense occurs viz: hostel, food, etc. Students are under the eye of their family, and there are rare chances thay can involve in bad company, whereas living away can make an high probability.
Secondly, students enjoy all the festivals as they are with their families, whereas the either side need to miss it as they need to travel which can cost with their studies. Students with family enjoy the home cook food as prepared and served by their loved ones, whereas students away need to rely on themselves or outside food which can be unhygenic and can make them sick.
Furthermore there are some advantage for students who are away such as, they dedicated their whole time for studies and are away from family business, whereas students with family have to be In and Out in family functions and thus utilizing their precious time of studies. Sudents away are more independent and can take their own decisons during tough time, whereas
the student with family have to rely on parents and thus losing their decision making capability.
To conclude, as there are 2 sides of coin, so parents need to take care of their children and nurture them wherever are they, so that students stay focussed in their studies and make a wonderful career by serving society in general and themselves in particular.
5:18 pm
March 7, 2012
Offline
Hi KK,
Please send the question, as it's so important in IELTS to find whether you already addressed the requirements of the task ?!!
However, at first glance, I think you should cut down some sentences to make them easy to read.
Best regards,
Hi KK
I think we should think simple as much as possible and avoid long sentence.
but your wriing is good as far as I'm concerned
bye
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