This forum (which is now CLOSED, sorry!) contains essays by hundreds of people preparing for the IELTS between 2012 and 2013. They helped each other to become better writers by reading each other's essays and commenting on them.
Please enjoy the hundreds of essays and thousands of comments still available here. A HUGE thanks to all the brave young writers who commented and to all the visitors. We hope we've made IELTS writing less scary.
art business children communication crime culture economy education environment families food freedom globalization health heritage leisure media politics science society sports television travel technology transport university violence work
Log In
Writefix Forum
Topic RSS
Related Topics
(0 votes) 
Offline
Some visitors are interested in other countries’ cultures and traditions. How can they learn other cultures and traditions? Why is this interesting to some visitors but not to others?
Due to rapid changing of globle economy, international travelling has become more affordable and attractive. People around the world enjoy exploring diverse culture and traditions differently. However, culture dynamic may not always be attractive to all international tourists. Some tourists may appreciate culture diversity, other people may not. This may be caused by how they learn form the culture and traditions.
One of the effective strategies to explor different countries’ culture and traditions is effective communication. For example, you can either study their language to comprehend their culture, or you can have an interpretor to assist you to understand. Communication is also the fundamental step to appreciate other culture and traditions. Another strategy to ensure sufficient culture exploration is to be involved with local people. From my perspective, I do not think anyone can comprehend a culture or a tradition thoroughly by not involving with local people and local activities.
Some international travellers are very interested in divers culture, whilist some others are not. I think there are two main reasons can explain for that. Firstly, attitude can decide how much a person enjoys different culture. Those who are keen on exploring different culture, may develop deeper understanding and more interests. While others may just want to have a simple relaxing holiday and just enjoy different view. Secondly, travelling purpose may cause the difference. Those travellers who go to foreign countires on business trips, they may not have enough time to enjoy diverse culture exploration like others who are on holiday.
Generally speaking, it is impossible to get all international travellers to appreciate different culture and traditions due to linguistic problems or time limitation. Howerver, it is always good to travel internationally and broaden our horizon by exploring exotic foreign culture.
9:59 am
Hi Vickyqiu310 and welcome to Writefix
Word Choice/Word Form/Usage
- Due to rapid changing of globle economy → Due to the rapid changing of the global economy OR Due to rapid changes in the global economy OR Today
- People around the world enjoy exploring diverse culture and traditions differently
- However, culture dynamic may not always be attractive to all international tourists. → However, the cultural dynamic of a particular country may not always be attractive to all international tourists. OR However, the culture of a particular destination may not always be attractive to all international tourists.
- Whilst → while. Nobody uses ‘whilst’ anymore.
Ideas/Coherence and Cohesion
The word ‘also’ in this sentence…
Communication is also the fundamental step to appreciate other culture and traditions.
…tells the reader that this is a new idea, but there is no support for it. How is communication fundamental? Should this be part of the previous idea about language or the following idea about getting involved with local people?
Shorten/Simplify
There are two verbs in this sentence:
I think there are two main reasons can explain for that
You can often leave out ‘there is’ or ‘there are.’ Here are two possible rewrites:
I think there are two main reasons for that OR I think two main reasons can explain that
Punctuation
Use simpler sentences to avoid mistakes with punctuation.
Those who are keen on exploring different culture, may develop deeper understanding → Those who are keen on exploring different culture may develop deeper understanding
Never separate the subject (“those”) and its verb (“may develop”). There’s another unnecessary comma here (and a repeated subject):
Those travellers who go to foreign countires on business trips, they may…
Let’s simplify it. The simpler the sentence, the fewer mistakes.
Travellers who go to foreign countries on business trips may…
You wrote a fragment:
While others may just want to have a simple relaxing holiday and just enjoy different view
You have to join this to the previous sentence or following sentence, or you have to delete the word ‘while.’ More about Fragments here.
Overall, your essay is fine. I hope you can help some of the many new people here by commenting on their essays. Let's help each other to get a great IELTS score!
Most Users Ever Online: 760
Currently Online: Mr Writefix
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
Brian_mcclaine: 90
alison32559905: 88
David Lee: 67
ma-frank: 54
katisss: 51
Tommy Bui: 42
Nick: 39
essays: 36
chrisluke921221: 35
alia: 34
rshdwork: 32
youtthasack: 31
linpearl89: 29
rose2802: 28
madinarafi5: 28
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 1
Members: 172
Moderators: 1
Admins: 2
Forum Stats:
Groups: 1
Forums: 3
Topics: 545
Posts: 2204
Newest Members:
Newestadmin, newadmin, Mr Writefix, charrmaineModerators: Newestadmin: 0
Administrators: Enda Tuomey: 0, newadmin: 0
Usage Policy