hi Thyxkris,

here are my comments for your writing. Hopefully, you find them useful.

best wish,

It is evident that the use of mobile phones (or has both positive and negative impacts)/ brings us many problems as well as benefits, and thus there is an opinion that the demerits/disadvantages brought by a mobile phone prevail over the merits/advantages. Personally, I disagree with this view (ambiguous, i am not clear what view you disagree with, the first sentence should be separated into two small ones.).

On the one hand, a mobile phones poses  have some negative effects for on its their users in several two aspects. The first impact is in medical terms. firstly, a long-time use of mobile phones might be harmful for people’s health. It is inevitable that a mobile phone would create a certain level of radiation while being used. Much scientific research has pointed out that such amount of radiation would potentially lead to serious diseases, such as cancer and tumor. Thus a long-time use of mobile phones might harm one’s health. Another second problem often observed is how the inappropriate use of a mobile phone interferes with during people’s activities. For example, during an important conference, calling or receiving mobile phones during an important conference would distract audience's attention and impair(or decrease) the its quality of the conference.

On the other hand, using a mobile phone can bring about more many benefits. The principle benefit is how a mobile phone to increases the possibility and improves the quality of our contact. Nowadays, we can / or it is easy to make a phone call with our friends almost anywhere, such as in the subway, the countryside or even another countryies. Likewise moreover, we can also text send messages with beautiful photos or even high-quality video clips to share the exciting moment of in our life. Apart from that Besides, a mobile phone has also become an important entertainment equipment. By Using mobile, users can enjoy video games, listen to the music or and even watch a movie smoothly.

To conclude/or in conclusion, it is inarguable that mobile phones are not perfect so far have both good and bad influences on people's life, but they can produce more valuable and beneficial influences. Thus, However, I am convinced that Mobile phones are extremely beneficial to our daily lives, and their advantages outweigh the disadvantages.  

hi Thyxkris,

(here why do you want to change merits into advantages? any information?

that is word choice, i think using advantages and disadvantages are more suitable than your words. 

On the one hand, a mobile phones poses  have some negative effects for on its their users in several two aspects.

(why do you want to change this sentence, gramatically wrong ?)

of course, you can use a mobile phone, 

i know the structure have effect(s) on st, so i think your sentence should be changed

i replace several ...two, because i see there are two supporting ideas in that paragraph, 

Nowadays, we can / or it is easy to make a phone call with our friends almost anywhere, such as in the subway, the countryside or even another countryies.

(here is "another country", so i think it's better no plurual form) 

i think it should be another countries, of course, that is just my idea, hihi

Likewise moreover, we can also text send messages with beautiful photos or even high-quality video clips to share the exciting moment of in our life.

(here it's just another example to support the subthesis, so i htink likewise/similarly is better than a word of progression)

moreover is not a word of progression, it has meaning the same as in addition, to list another example

Apart from that Besides, a mobile phone has also become an important entertainment equipment.

(here you cannot add a before euipment, because equipemnt is uncountable noun)

yes, i made mistake here, thank you.